the photographer, artist and film-maker

Monday, February 13, 2006

peer review: biography

Our first peer review was to critique another's biography paper. I read Mark Wagner's and Chris Loos's biography papers. Here is the input I gave each of them individuality.

Mark Wagner
His biography was written about me. It was interesting to read but it was also a little mis-guided. I felt he used a lot of describing adjectives which can sometimes turn an expository paper bias. I felt he was trying to make the paper more colorful and descriptive but perhaps took it over board. He also made a few punctuation mistakes and spelling errors probably from being in a hurry and not looking over his draft before he printed it. I also felt that he had some unnecessary clauses and phrases that were of no importance and that just added length. Mark had great use of complex grammar throughout the paper. I was a little frazzled at the beginning of Mark's paper because his first paragraph took up most of the first page. I felt that he needed to have a proper introduction and conclusion instead of just starting the story with my name and birthday. He started too early with who I was exactly and I felt the reader would be bored by the time they reached the second paragraph. Mark's paper needed minor changes, but overall I felt he did a nice job capturing my life onto a few sheets of paper.

Chris Loos
Chris wrote a biography on Mark Wagner. Chris started his paper off with a simple introduction. I felt that maybe he could have made it more interesting rather than saying, "Mark Wagner was born on.." I think that Chris could have used his imagination to create a more bold opening. Chris had few punctuation and spelling mistakes. I felt that many of Chris's sentences were too simple and broad. I also felt he could have used better word choices for a lot of his words. I felt that Chris needed to connect sentences together rather than just having two simple sentences for more complexity within his paper. His paragraphs needed to be fuller. For example, in the paragraph including the hobbies of Mark, Chris writes two simple sentences about Mark's interest in cooking and reading. I felt that he could have included his favorite dishes, books or why he was so interested in those subjects. Chris needed more explanation in some of his paragraphs about Mark. Chris also included a sentence in first person, "I asked him..," I felt this sentence was unnecessary when writing a biography. The conclusion was too abrupt and needed more clarity.

Peer Review of My Paper

Mark gave me positive input about my biography paper on Chris. Although I may have confused him in the beginning of my paper. My conclusion and transition need work, and I feel that he didn't know what to think after reading the first paragraph. Mark made corrections on my paper and crossed out unnecessary phrases I had used. He also gave me new ideas to different ways of phrasing a point to the audience.

Chris informed me that I accurately described his life. He said my biography was well-written. He corrected his father's name on my paper from Allan to Alan. Chris did not mark up my paper drastically whether he felt it did not need anything or he did not see anything wrong. I wish Chris would have given more input to my paper because it was about his life. I wish he could have informed me of his opinion of the introduction and the conclusion.

2 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

This was a productive day and you helped me a lot to change my paper. You gave good advice and I took most of it to heart.

2:46 PM

 
Blogger Mandara Vishwanath said...

Hey! Your blog is really interesting and useful. I'm doing a research article on Cindy Sherman's work as well. It would be great to get in touch with you!

- Mandara

11:21 AM

 

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